TL;DR
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A Sixty and Me essay recommends reconsidering “I’ll try,” “can’t,” “always,” “never,” “if only” and “but,” arguing that habitual language can shape self-talk and relationships. The advice is personal reflection, not evidence that avoiding these words guarantees success or changes behavior.
A Sixty and Me personal essay advises readers to rethink six commonly used words and phrases—“I’ll try,” “can’t,” “always,” “never,” “if only” and “but”—arguing they can reinforce negative self-talk or complicate relationships. The author presents the guidance as a reflection drawn from her family and coaching experience, not as a scientific finding or a rule that applies in every situation.
The essay’s author says she previously taught workshops on limiting beliefs and worked with a coaching partner for seven years, using regular calls to share affirmations. She writes that changing their language accompanied progress in their personal and professional lives, but does not cite research establishing that the practice caused those changes.
For “I’ll try,” the author recounts her son Joel’s efforts to change his daily habits. She says that during the pandemic he began taking regular walks and had less access to soda and fast food. According to her account, he lost 35 pounds over six months and maintained the practices; she says he felt and slept better and had more energy. These are details from the family’s account, not independently verified health findings.
The other suggestions focus on wording. The author says “can’t” can obscure a choice, while “always” and “never” can turn a specific frustration into a sweeping judgment. She describes “if only” as dwelling on an unrealized alternative and “but” as undercutting what came before it. Her proposed replacements include describing what actually happened, using “since” to focus on present circumstances, and connecting ideas with “and.”
How Everyday Phrases Shape Conversations
The essay’s practical point is that language can influence how people frame setbacks and speak to one another. Replacing an absolute accusation such as “you never help” with a description of a specific situation may make a disagreement more precise. Likewise, acknowledging a choice rather than saying “I can’t” may help someone identify what they can change.
That does not mean every use of these words is harmful. “I can’t” may accurately describe a limit, and “but” can be necessary to express a qualification. The value of the advice is less about banning words than noticing whether a repeated phrase is accurate, useful and fair to the speaker and listener.
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The Essay’s Personal Foundation
The piece begins with a story about a friend whose fiancé removed the word “divorce” from his dictionaries as a gesture of reassurance. The author says the couple remained married more than 40 years later. She uses the anecdote to introduce her broader view that words carry emotional weight.
She also explains that she stopped using swear words routinely, partly because she wanted to be more deliberate and partly because she noticed that children repeat what adults say. The six phrases in the essay are presented as a separate category: words that, in her view, can become habitual and discourage responsibility, learning or constructive communication.
““You’ll either do it or not.””
— The essay’s author, describing her advice to her son
Limits of the Personal Advice
The source is a personal essay, and it does not provide studies, expert interviews or independent verification for its claims about the effects of particular words. The author’s account of her son’s weight loss and wellbeing is also personal testimony; the essay does not give medical records, explain other possible influences or establish that changing language produced those outcomes.
It is also unclear whether the recommendations would work for all readers or in every conversation. The piece does not set out exceptions for situations where a person’s limits are real, where “but” conveys necessary information, or where a commitment genuinely cannot be made. Readers should understand the six-item list as the author’s perspective rather than a universal communication standard.
Applying the Suggestions Carefully
The essay does not announce a formal program or a follow-up study. Its closing invitation is for readers to notice the phrases they use automatically and consider whether more precise wording would better express what they mean. That could mean replacing a blanket “always” with a specific example, or stating directly that a walk did not happen rather than claiming there was no time.
Any assessment of the advice beyond the author’s experience would require evidence not included in the article. For now, the proposed next step is reflective: identify a phrase that feels unhelpful, test an alternative and judge whether it leads to clearer or more constructive communication.
Key Questions
Which six words or phrases does the essay identify?
It names “I’ll try,” “can’t,” “always,” “never,” “if only” and “but.” The author recommends paying attention to how they are used, rather than presenting a formal language ban.
Does the essay prove that avoiding these phrases improves outcomes?
No. It reports the author’s experiences and opinions but does not cite research or establish that changing these phrases causes better outcomes.
What alternatives does the author suggest?
She recommends describing what happened more precisely, focusing on present circumstances instead of “if only,” and sometimes using “and” rather than “but” to keep both parts of a statement in view.
The author says her son changed some daily habits during the pandemic and lost 35 pounds over six months. She also reports that he felt and slept better and had more energy; those details are her account and are not independently verified in the source.
Source: sixtyandme.com
