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Seniors Guide published an advice column by R. Eric Thomas responding to a 75-year-old man who says he feels trapped in a 45-year marriage shaped by his wife’s long-term mental health struggles. Thomas encourages him to work through practical options with support rather than treating the decision as simply packing a suitcase and leaving.
Seniors Guide published an advice column on October 26 in which author and columnist R. Eric Thomas responds to a 75-year-old man who says he is considering leaving his wife after 45 years of marriage. The reader describes caregiving strain, fear about starting over, and a relationship counselors have called codependent; Thomas urges him to explore a supported plan for both spouses rather than viewing separation as a decision made by one person alone.
The reader, who signs his letter “Self-imprisoned,” says his wife has experienced treatment-resistant depression and/or bipolar disorder and has received various forms of treatment for about 30 years without success. Those diagnoses and treatment history are the reader’s account; the column does not independently verify them. He says mental health professionals and close friends have told him that the relationship is harming his mental health and advised him to leave.
He writes that he has stayed because of a vow and concern that his wife depends on him and would be devastated by a separation. He says he feels compassion for her but not love or respect, and that he is afraid to leave because he has no family to rely on, only friends. He also says he wants the possibility of a healthy relationship during the time he has left.
Thomas expresses sympathy for both spouses and says the illness and strain of caregiving may have changed the marriage. He asks whether the people urging the reader to leave have helped him consider the practical questions: where he would go, what he would do, and how the change could work. Thomas recommends considering Melody Beattie’s book Codependent No More and working with a marriage and family therapist experienced in codependent couples.
Planning Beyond the Decision to Leave
The exchange addresses a decision with practical and emotional consequences for both people in a long marriage. The reader’s letter describes not only dissatisfaction but also fear, caregiving responsibility and limited family support. Thomas’s response frames those details as part of the decision: leaving, if that is what the reader chooses, would require considering housing, day-to-day care and sources of support, rather than relying on the advice to leave alone.
The column does not tell the reader that he must stay or go. Instead, it points toward professional help and concrete planning as ways to examine possible arrangements. That distinction matters to readers facing similar dilemmas: the advice is about making a supported decision, not a claim that any particular outcome is right for every couple.
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A Reader Seeks Help After 45 Years
The item appeared in Seniors Guide’s “Asking Eric” advice column, written by R. Eric Thomas. The publication describes the column as advice for senior adults and their families, including topics such as caregiving, retirement communities and family life. This particular response is based on a letter from one reader, not a reported investigation or clinical assessment of the couple.
The reader says counselors have described the relationship as codependent. Thomas does not independently diagnose either spouse, and the column provides no detailed account of the couple’s treatment, finances, living arrangements or prior attempts to change the relationship. Its focus is the writer’s uncertainty about whether and how to act after decades of marriage.
“I am 75 years old. My wife and I have been married for 45 years.”
— The reader, identified as “Self-imprisoned”
The Couple’s Practical Options Remain Unknown
The column does not say whether the reader has decided to leave, whether his wife knows he is considering it, or whether the couple has discussed alternatives to their current arrangement. It also gives no information about their housing, finances, access to care, or the wife’s support network. Those facts could affect what options are available, but the published letter does not address them.
The wife’s mental health conditions and treatment history are presented as reported by her husband, not confirmed by medical records or clinicians in the article. The column also does not report an outcome from therapy or any follow-up from the reader.
Therapy and Planning Are Suggested
Thomas recommends that the reader consider working with a marriage and family therapist who has experience with codependent couples, and suggests Beattie’s Codependent No More. He also encourages the reader to think through what a different arrangement would involve, including where he might live and what support each spouse would need.
No specific next step or decision is reported. Whether the reader pursues counseling, speaks with his wife about separation, or makes another plan remains unknown.
Key Questions
What was the advice column about?
A 75-year-old reader asked for guidance as he considered leaving his wife after 45 years of marriage. He described caregiving strain, fear of being alone and concern about his wife’s dependence on him.
What did Eric Thomas recommend?
Thomas suggested thinking through practical arrangements and seeking support, including from a marriage and family therapist experienced with codependent couples. He also mentioned Melody Beattie’s book Codependent No More.
Did the reader say he had decided to leave?
No. He said he was afraid to leave and had not done so. The column does not report a final decision or any later outcome.
Are the wife’s diagnoses independently confirmed in the column?
No. Depression and/or bipolar disorder and the treatment history are described in the husband’s letter. The column does not independently verify them or provide a clinical assessment.
Source: seniorsguide.com
